I was actually already technically unlocked, but still under strict orders not to cum.
I removed the chastity device on Saturday. But due to some minor irritations it was decided I was gonna give time for things to heal before I was re-locked.
I had an amazing two nights with my Princess on Friday and Saturday nights.
I got caned and clamped and fucked with the strap on. And got to please and service more times than I can remember. I got to make her dinner twice. And pass out lying next to her while she watched SNL. A deep good sleep.
I woke her up in the morning the best way I knew (my face between her legs…).
The original plan was my princess wanted to fuck someone else while I was locked. But the realities of negotiating the right person and the right time are never simple. I reminded her that I’m in no rush. It’s her choice, not mine. And when she knew it was the right time, I was ready.
But by this morning (Monday) it seemed we both felt like maybe it was time Princess to go back to being taken care of by me, and get a chance to not have to choose all the time. Since she has been in complete charge of me now for almost a month. During which i have bad exactly one orgasm.
A record for both of us.
We have already done so much this month. I feel so deeply satisfied. Like we found new spaces. It felt like we were both ready to start moving toward winding down my submission.
That was until … About 11pm. When she found out that a friend of hers may have time for us. this Friday!
It’s not 100% confirmed. But the whole conversation seemed to snap my girl back into her wonder dominant mode. So while she was texting him with explicit ideas and plans, I was told to get locked again ASAP.
She texted her friend. I showered. I had go finish it off with a quick cold shower to get myself small enough. Then I boiled the birdlocked. And squeezed myself back into it.
And waited for her to finish texting and planning.
When she was done, she told me a few decisions had been made.
She told me I will be immobilized. That I will be in the room when she fucks him. And blows him. That I will most likely be hurt. My mouth and ass will be used by both of them.
And she reminded, that whatever makes her wet, I must do.
Finally she told me it was time to lock my cock again.
In regards to question about subs and chastity: I cannot relate to a sub that has no desire to cum, or the domme that has no desire to see their sub cum. The desire to cum is what drives the fun of chastity play for me. If the prospect of never cumming becomes real, the desire to cum flames out, and the sexiness of chastity is lost. And if a domme does not ever want to see their sub cum, the roles become something too dark in my opinion. Cumming is fun, I just want someone to control when I do!
So on Sunday Princess decided she wanted me to fuck her. And finally gave me permission to cum. She wanted to be fucked.
And Princess gets what she wants.
But unlike other times, she decided this time to lock me up again afterwards.
So I got to cum. The most difficult thing was trying to control myself long enough so that princess could orgasm first. I felt like my dick was on fire when I entered her. It had been without direct stimulation for so long. And now I could feel her move and squirm.
And it’s hard to be focused when she makes such wonderful sounds when I fuck her.
Finally she came and told me I could. Which I did almost instantly.
She told me that I came forever. Just this continuous orgasm that seemed to go on for much longer than normal. I just remember how out of control I felt. How powerless I felt even then.
An hour later I was locked up again. And I have no idea how much longer. She gets to decide.
It’s the first time she has kept me in submission and locked after I have cum. Usually there has been a break between chastity sessions. Some time to recover.
But she has decided I’m staying this while a bit longer. She has plans and isn’t ready to give up one inch of power over me. Orgasm or not.
The last few days being locked have felt different. Different than when I was locked before. The “euphoria” of submission kind of dropped.
On Sunday I was so emotionally and physically Droppy that Princess sent me home early to sleep.
And both of us had some work and family dramas on Monday. So by this morning I woke up feeling moody and needy.
I felt torn.
This morning, I broke a rule! I had a very unhealthy breakfast (donuts and coffee) and I didn’t send her a photo (she demands a photo of everything I eat). As I ate the donuts I really didn’t want to comply. I could watch myself break the rule.
The donuts made me feel kind of sick after eating them. I has to toss the coffee without finishing it. I remember watching the cup disappear into the trash and realizing that now I couldn’t even take a picture. The misdeed was done.
I could have said nothing.
But I texted her and confessed.
I’m still not sure why I disobeyed. Cranky? Attention? Testing her?
It was an odd moment. I think just wanted her to feel some sort of control again. Like now I had this mix of bad-frustration and emotional struggle. And I needed her to acknowledge it.
I didn’t want freedom. Not really.
We talked on the phone later and I told her sorry. I think I made her worry that I didn’t want this anymore. Was I just gonna not do more tasks? (Sometimes I forget).
I felt needy. Needy in a way I was too afraid to say or admit.
I needed to hear her tell me that it doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter if I was moody and bad. I was staying locked.
It doesn’t matter if it was the orgasm that made me feel droppy. That was her choice and I have to deal with it now.
It doesn’t matter that I feel a little anxious and frustrated cause I’m still locked. That was her choice too and I have to deal with it.
And I stood on the sidewalk and watched people walk and I heard her voice sweet voice remind me these things. Remind me who owns my body now.
In staying locked. And that’s what’s happening. She still has freedom. And I don’t.
And with her voice and words I felt that little calm and euphoria return. And a little more settled.
I can’t eat any more sweets or junk food until further notice.
I’ve got to hit the gym tomorrow.
And I have a mandatory caning session In my very near future.
But none of that really mattered. It felt better. Not perfect yet. But better. A little more ready to let go again. Be out-of-control and hers and good.
Later Princess texted me that she had just masterbated. And it made her very happy that I couldn’t.
bit my lip a little as I thought of her cumming. And I smiled.
Her being happy always makes the bad feelings go away. Always.
I spent all day yesterday in service to my Princess.
She told me that yesterday was her lifetime record for same day orgasms from receiving oral sex.
I got to give back rubs while blindfolded!
I was fucked and scolded and disciplined for not always doing what I was told.
She grabbed my caged cock and balls and reminded me that I can’t fuck her anymore. Not while she had the key. Not until I had learned to be a good slave for her.
And not until she fucked someone else.
My whole body shuddered as she slowly pushed the strap-on into me. She went slowly at first as I leaned to yield to her. I breathed, relaxed, let her words push me down deeper.
The key that keeps me locked dangled between her breasts. I could feel her body gain confidence and power. Feel myself respond and open to her.
And before I knew it, she was slamming against me, my whole body being pushed forward with each thrust.
She reached down and grabbed the chain on my neck pulling my head back. I felt the rush of blood to my head. My body moving against her.
She lets go. She pulls the chain again. She lets go and pulls it a third time. She’s testing me. Learning me. Every time she does it, I don’t want it to stop. And she knows.
I’m lost and breathless. And hers.
I remember how quiet I was later when we ate dinner. She worried for a moment if I was ok. But I felt so calm with her. Like I didn’t need to speak as much. Just be next to her and be hers.
But also my thoughts were about what was going to happen after dinner.
I had been anticipating the end of the day since the moment told me earlier what she was planning.
We got stuck in traffic on the way home from dinner.
After then I frustrated my Princess by being a poor rope instructor (it’s hard to be a good teacher AND submissive-subject). It was hard to focus for me.
She needed the ropes to be perfect.
But after some trial and error, I found myself completely immobilized by rope and bondage tape. The ropes were now perfect.
Each arm bound to each bed corner. Legs bound together. Chest and nipples helpless against her intentions.
Then came the hood and the blindfold. And finally she asked me if I had anything final to say.
My brain raced. Excitement. Fear. Love. What do you say?
I nodded “no” hesitantly and she playfully said “ok” as she stuffed a gag in my mouth.
Her plan was to clamp my nipples. Not just clamp them. She had clamped them many times before.
Tonight she wanted to clamp them and unclamp them. Again and again. As long as she decided.
She started with clothespins. “Warming you up”. And then proceeded to hit me gently with something wooden light and stingy.
And then came the butterfly clamps.
The first few times where ok. We had done this before. It was the same feeling of power and pain. That pain that changes my whole mind. Yanks your attention to everything she does. Everywhere she touches.
It was hard to relax when they came off. It was the anticipation of when they would clamp down again. That powerful moment when you have to surrender to wave of new pain.
“This is how I own you”. She said it just before she clamped me another time and this time I couldn’t help but get lost the words and the pain.
“This is how I own you” she repeated.
Once I felt nipple pain so sharp and sudden it made me jump. I must of startled her. And with the gag removed she made sure that I was ok. And I assured her that I was fine. Whatever happened was just momentary. And I was safe, but I was also blindfolded. So I really had no idea what had happened.
After checking me over she laughed and said .. “Oops. The clamp got pulled off”. And with barely a moments hesitation she clamped me again.
I don’t know how long this went on. I would shake when the pain got worse. Sometimes she would reach over and pull the chain between the clamps. And I would pull hard against the pain and instinctively lift my chest and body in a futile attempt to reduce the tension.
With the gag out, I felt the words come out of my mouth. “Stop. Please stop.” Worried about what I was saying. Worried she might listen.
And felt that exquisite power when she heard my words and reached down and pulled again.
“This is how I own you”.
Finally she stopped. And the clamps were gone. I felt this deep silence. My body solid and heavy against the bed. Still bound and hers. And I wondered if she owned gravity itself now.
She held a water bottle to my lips and I started drank eagerly. Not even realizing I was thirsty until the water was in my mouth.
Everything was quiet. And good. And perfect.
“Are you ready for one more time?” I heard the butterfly clamps dangling in her hands.
And I felt so ready for anything. And I felt the mix of thrill and power.
“You don’t even have to ask” I said.
“This time, you have to stay clamped until i cum”.
And the clamps returns. And my body went taught. “This is how she owns me” I muttered.
And I felt her lie against my side. And the sound of her vibrator. She took her free hand first and pulled chain again and this time I wanted to let her. Let the pain and her take me.
And she took her time. And I could feel her against my side. The pain and her pleasure.
Again I felt the sharp sting. We had gotten tangled in the chain maybe. She stopped and Just as I realized what had happened I felt myself clamped again.
And now I waited. And breathed. Let the pain take me. And heard her breath quicken. She took her free hand and this time intertwined her fingers with mine. And I pulled against the rope so I could hold her hand as tight as I could. And waited to hear her slowly increasing sounds of pleasure. And her body shudder. Her hand loosen in my grip and she grew quiet and beautiful for a wonderful moment.
And then the clamps came off. But I’m not sure if it was even pain anymore.
And she held me close. Still bound and hers.
I’m floating a bit. Giddy
She decides to playfully kiss my nipples, thinking they will hurt.
But what happens is pure magic. As if pain and pleasure have switched around in my head. I gasp in pure pleasure and relief as her warm tongue moves across my raw and sore nipples. My cock suddenly is hard again, the cage full. I pull against the rope again but this time I’m floating in ecstasy. I beg her to keep going. And she laughs and keeps going.
And we are both giddy. And my whole body is hers. I’m lost in this newly discovered exquisite prison she holds me in now, with just the movement of her mouth and tongue. I squirm, and float and smile and laugh.
So this my 3rd time I’ve been under long term total orgasm denial by my princess. And it sounds like it may be for a while this time.
Today was day eight.
But in reality It felt like … Shift day.
That’s my term. But it just feels like my brain had officially shifted into a different space.
The first time I was under orgasm control, it happened around day 5 or 6 . (No cage yet, just me being a good boy). I’m not sure either one of us expected it. The first time you are locked its kind of an adventure but neither one of us really understood it. I may have overwhelmed my princess a bit in how totally obsessed with her I became. It kind of scared us both. But it also kind of immediately meant that we were definitely gonna keep doing this a few more times.
The second time, I was locked. This time with a key. when shift day came during the second period of restriction it felt almost scary.
You can’t stop this whole rush of emotions. And there is a real sense of vulnerability. I remember calling my love one morning as I walked to the train almost feeling myself trying to hold it back. Not wanting to be desperate or needy. Trying to keep myself “being good”. Some stupid submissive insanity that happens. I needed to hear her voice tell me it was okay. That I can be needy. That this is really what she wants.
Today, I woke up and knew that today was the day. Things had shifted again.
When I woke I wondered if I was just a bit “droppy” from some time I spent nipple clamped last night. But I wasn’t. This was very different.
It was gonna be shift day.
By 11AM, I can’t keep focused. I’m texting my Princess while I’m also on an international conference call. I’m not sure I was very good at either conversation.
After an hour of confusing and frustrating texts from me, my Princess and I talk and the phone.
And this time it felt .. So Good. I could feel her catch me. And we talk it through what was happening to me. And we talked until we found the right words.
We talked until she knew I wasn’t asking her to do anything more than catch me. Anything more than let me want her and need her be full of notions and desires and raw energy.
I love how she feels so much more comfortable and confident this time. Much stronger and in control. Empowered.
I love how after so many years together we can still have days full of magic and discovery.
My princess owns her body and her pleasure. She will fuck whom she wants and when she wants and how she wants. This is no longer negotiable.
My princess owns my body. I must yield my mouth and ass and cock to her desires. I will only have pleasure when she permits it. I will service and be fucked how she chooses, when she chooses, and with whom she chooses. This is no longer negotiable.
Princess will punish me and hurt me when she chooses, for as long as she chooses, and for any reason she she wants. I must trust my Princess to know when to stop. This is no longer negotiable.
When my Princess is sad, I will comfort her. When she feels bad, I will take care of her. When she is scared I will support her and encourage her.
She does not need to ask for permission.
She does not need to be afraid how I will feel.
She does not need to apologize for who she is or how she feels or what she wants.
She does not need to conform to other people’s limited ideas of how a dominant is suppose to be.
I devote myself to her actual needs. I give myself to her deepest and darkest desires.
I give her my devotion and commitment without hesitation and with full trust in her love and wisdom.
I don’t see what is so confusing about it. It is confusing to people who are preoccupied with fitting others into neat little categories.
A woman can be a Domme in a sweet little Kitten dress using commanding words in a soft voice with a smile on her face and a feisty submissive girl can fuck her daddy in the ass with her strap-on and women can be all things in whatever ways they desire.
There’s nothing confusing about it.
You just described my princess. And the more freedom we give each other to be and do what we want, the more I fall in love with her.
What I sent to my princess when I woke up on day 13.
I can’t submit to you halfway. I can’t say I’m willing to be yours and give myself to you … Except when I’m too scared or not horny enough or not in the mood.
I trust you. You really are strong enough and smart enough to make good decisions.
And that little twinkle in your eye, that feeling of power you have when you twirl my key in your fingers … This is what I need to yield to. This is what I say yes to. Yes to my princess strong and confident and smart and sexy and beautiful and precious.
If it makes you feel excited and sexy and powerful, then I want it so much, I can’t hold back. I can’t say no.
So I think today marks the longest period of time I’ve ever been restricted.
The cage and key also add a whole new dimension.
There is a small shudder that I feel in my hands as I work.
I didn’t expect this would make me feel so .. vulnerable.
I didn’t expect how much I would crave your simple approval.
Tiny little butterfly anxieties flicker through me so often. All these little fears each wrapped up in you - do you really like me this ..submissive? Will you really do those things? Will you not do them?
And then I hear your voice. So sweet and calm. As I spoke aloud my commitments again, my heart started beating so fast.
And you told me again, that this is what you want. That I am staying this way as long as you want. It’s not my choice anymore.
And all my butterflies disappeared. And I felt calm and safe.
I woke up this morning… and I can’t stop thinking about you.
I close my eyes, and I’m in my knees again, and I’m licking you. And I’m clamped and it hurts and I’m too afraid to tell you to hurt me more.
You tell me how you shaved on Friday. And you didn’t shave for me. And I wanted to say Miss never needs to shave for me.
You do not need my approval. You do not need to please me. You do not need my permission. I have already given it all to you already.
The look on your face. The slight change in the movement of your body, when you realized you liked saying being so cruel, saying the selfish words aloud. And in that moment, I loved you even more, your strength growing, and felt myself pushed that much more under your power.
“I do not get to negotiate anymore.” I reminded you. I reminded myself.
I remember lying there looking at you hold the clamps in your hand. As you just moved them around. Intoxicated by what they can do to me. Those hands.
And your thrill in your eyes when clamped me again. How you re-adjusted the second clamp, because you could tell that it should hurt more, without me saying anything.
And then the words came out slowly.. I was scared what I was going to say. “No. … please … No…Stop. It’s too much.”
Your hand clamped down over my mouth. You lifted the chain so calmly and pulled ever so gently. There were no more words for me now. Just the pain, and your hands, and the feel of your body over mine. Your choice over my words.
Afterwards, when it was over, my head in your lap, running your fingers through my hair. You whispered “good boy”. I did not want to be anywhere else in the world.
I wake up this morning. I can’t stop thinking. Your hands, your words, your skin, your smell. I reach to touch myself and instead find my little cage, and the little lock. I move the lock back and forth in my hand. Breathe.
So after finding myself in what is probably the best leather/sex store in the USA, you told me to go purchase a chastity device. I had been here years ago, and since I was traveling here, I knew they would be the best place to go for this.
My hats go off to the salesmen. I was amazed that they actually let you try on the devices first.
The salesman had no problem examining my completely incorrect approach to pushing my cock and balls through a tiny silicone cage. Interestingly enough, this was not my first “naked” sex purchasing experience(but that’s for a different post). However this was certainly a new experience learning how to pull a testicle into the right position.
I think we both felt that new thrill as the key locked me down.
I wasn’t surprised when you told me you wanted to cuckhold me. It seemed somehow strangely natural that the first thought you shared after I was locked, was going out and fucking someone else.
And then you wanted to see me fucked. Wanted me to know what’s like to have a cock in my mouth and ass. To watch me used, hurt, humilated. But not given release.
What really surprised me more was how my mind and body has latched onto this. The real commitment to what the lock means: I have no choice. Who fucks me isn’t my choice. Who fucks you isn’t my choice.
And it feels so natural to give you what you want. I expected maybe jealousy, but instead I feel joy. I want to give you this power. Feel your power.
I get excited now. Now that I have agreed. The idea that at anytime, I could get a text. That you are out now. That tonight you might be kissing someone else, or sucking him. Or more.
And there will be no warning. No more negotiations about it. The lock stays where it is. Where it belongs. Where it feels right and solid and good.
A little key that is full of your power and beauty and grace.
Where you know I am still yours. Even more now then ever.
Today I am thousands of miles away from you. I don’t have the touch of your hand, or sweet smell of your hair to settle me. Your voice helps. Your smile. But it also reminds me of the horrible distance.
I’m glad I got to be with you before I flew away. I felt so good waking up with you, licking you, pleasing you. I felt myself fall back into that space, lying curled between your legs. The arching of your back, and the sound of your moan.
My dick was so hard then, and I knew that it would stay that way. It wouldn’t matter if I was traveling. There was to be no release for me that morning. It was scary and powerful and good.
The hotel room is now when it’s the most difficult. I sleep naked. We have the webcam, and I know you watch me sleep. But it’s a struggle.
The days are so busy. So many meetings and work is long and thankfully distracting. But this room is where I have to be yours again. My sweet little prison.
I lie here on the bed and close my eyes.. and breathe… and suddenly I am back with you. I am blindfolded and curled at your feet again. And you rub your hand gently through my hair to calm me. And let me give you this suffering, and I feel safe. And yours.
You are driving to me now.
I’m showered, shaved (everywhere), and clean.
Wearing the plug and the collar as required.
The butterflies are starting.
Last night, while I slept blindfolded and collared, I stirred. I heard the mechanical whir of the webcam panning and tilting and I knew you were watching me. Did you get excited? I hoped so much you did. I must have woken at least 3 times, each time with an erection and a head full of notions.
Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster. With racing taxi cabs and job interviews and shoes that made your feet hurt. (I wanted to rub them so much). So many plans and opportunities for the future. A future with a bed we share.
Today is for us. We have a house and privacy and time. Nobody around to hear the sound of the paddle strike me, nor my pleas for mercy.
Those are just for your pretty ears. Sweet sounds for your deep heart.
I like these calm quiet moments before you arrive. It’s finally spring.
Life stirring into beauty. Things growing and changing.
Last night, while sitting with you in a parked car, you reached over and pinched my nipples so hard.
It fucking takes my breath away.
I heard words come out of my mouth .. “Omg. Please. No.”
I said no. It escaped. You held for a few more seconds. And finally let go.
And I wanted it again. More than I said. More than I admitted.
All I can think about now, is being bound and restrained. And feeling you pinch me again. And me begging again.
I say the words. “No. Please. I can’t take it. ”
And you stop for a moment. Just to make me believe you are listening. And then pinch again. And again. And again. Enough times so that I can hear how those words don’t work with you anymore. That I don’t choose anymore. Enough times to have to surrender over and over.
I’ve been thinking about how the orgasm restriction starts making me want more restrictions.
It’s such a strange thing. Because after a while… It’s not suffering anymore. Instead it’s like this constant surrendering. And there is this exquisite pleasure in surrender.
And I become focused on you in this powerful way. Think about being close. The touch of your skin. Your smell. The sound of your voice. And when I’m not with you, it hurts. Aches.
There is also something .. physical grounding that happens to me. I spend so much of the day focused on things in my head. I got lost in ideas. My work is all mental. And I can get so lost there at times.
But the restriction is this powerful force that pulls me back into flesh. Into the mode of my body and its function and purpose. Everything physical feels different. Tastes different.
I think that’s when the desires for more restrictions come from. Especially things related to my body… Eating… Sleeping.. Grooming. Even taking a way distractions like TV and Web are like tools to focus my back on being good. And yours. Here. Now. Yours.
If I can’t eat something I desire, then it’s a new way to surrender. If I can’t play a game, it’s a struggle with escaping into distraction or being grounded on what matters for us.
A new moment during my day when I’m pulled back into my body. Another moment I have to become yours.
And each restriction builds on the central restriction. The central idea that this body isn’t mine anymore. If I’m struggling, I’m just a slow breath away from resurrecting that raw desire for you. The need that’s always there. Always ready to remind me.
And it all only works when that surrender is to you. Another way to give you this flawed and unworthy body. In your hands it suddenly has purpose and a place. If I can’t take care of it for me, I should do it for you. Try to be worthy of your touch and attention. To make those eyes of yours giggle with excitement. To make you powerful and beautiful and strong.
It’s not really about making me suffer. It’s about making me yours. About you taking advantage of this fragile mental state this creates to possess me.
I know you don’t get pleasure from restricting me as if I’m punished. But it’s not punishment. It’s surrender. Its not really restriction, it’s an opportunity forms to give you power. And for me to feel that power.
Because each act of surrender binds me to you. In this way that even extends past just this power exchange. And it feels so good.
I have tasks. But I can’t focus. I keep wanting to read things. Play games. I played picross. And it was forbidden. I can’t tell what that was. I thought I needed just a minute to be myself. But instead I just felt … wrong.
I played for 10 minutes or so. Then I felt bad. Like I betrayed her or myself. That I should be better than this. But can’t she tell that I can’t settle?
I need her so fucking much. I’m afraid to say it. Cause maybe I will scare her.
She’s curious. And interested. And she likes this.
I worry that she only does this for me. Because she sees the hunger. She hesitates. She’s confused by my sudden … transformation? I go from confidant to needy. I want to tell her to take me. Give me release. or not give me release.
Give me her attention. Her touch. Her cruelty. A slap.
I hate the taxes. They always scare me. Even though this year they seem mostly done. But I hate feeling bad. They make me feel like I should have done better.
It’s hard to balance this. Submission. Denial. Fear. Need. Focus.
Pain. The pain helps maybe.
I forgot I slipped the nipple clamps in my bag. I could clamp myself. But what if it makes it worse?
I think it’s just the … unending need.
I can’t even tell what I need from her to settle me. It’s not the frustration that bothers me. It’s that I can’t settle. And I know there could be some command, or restriction, or even just a smile, that will make me settle.
I can do this.
I can do this for her.
Just surrender the fear. And the doubt. And the choice. Surrender my anxiety that she doesn’t really want this. My anxiety that I will overwhelm her. That I might make her scared or lonely or bad. I need to trust her.
I will stop writing in a moment. And write everything down on my list of things. And start. Just start.